Hear me! Hear all that I command of you! I am Poseidon. For centuries, sailors have relied on me for safe passage across my vast oceans. And now, I invite you to rely on me during your journey − your journey to shed those unwanted pounds, that is. Who better to help you navigate through the uncharted waters of nautical fitness than the God of the Sea himself?
Without further delay, I command each of you to grab a flotation noodle from my chariot and hop into the pool. Let us do this! Pardon me while I raise this large conch shell to my ear to listen for the whereabouts of all the single ladies out there. Hark, I hear quite a few. All the single ladies … all the single ladies … now put your hands up!! Let Beyoncé and Poseidon lay waste to those stubborn love handles.
by Colin Nissan
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