IF I EVER WAS:

I TELL YOU NOW

I AM NOT.

i am not.

no.

nope.

no way.

i will not be.

my lover,

please send me

to my grave before

i am another janet frame

or another cilla mcqueen.

let me never be

poet laureate of

this country.

all anyone ever

wants to do is

watch the paint

dry on the fence.

Marina Ivanovna Tsvetaeva

Prayer

Christ and the Lord! I thirst for marvel
Now, here, as the day would start!
The life is like a book to me,
So let me die. Let me depart.

You're wise, and sternly 'Now be patient,
Your time's not ripe' you will not say.
Yourself you gave me - too much now!
I thirst at once - for every way!

I want it all: with soul of gypsy
To run to plunder with a song,
To suffer for all near an organ,
To run to war, an Amazon;

To divine stars in a black tower
The kids through shadows to lead…
That yesterday would be a legend,
That each and every day be mad!

I love the cross, the silk, the helmet,
The minute's trace of soul of mine..
You gave me childhood - better than fiction
Now let me die at seventeen!

YOUR TIDES ARE ARCS OF DUST
COLLECTING ICONS OF MY LAST
HEART-FELT POEM

and where are you now?

little spirit - you said

you would stay,

climb into my bones.

weave your way down

my neck, into my spine.

you stayed

a moment,

and then...

you left.

little spirit you left me!

oh.

little spirit.

did you do

it because i

said somethings?

i wanted you to stay

with me.

together we could have

seen jungles and tides rise.

but, what

you've done,

( in leaving )

is so much more.

S A P P H O

Blame Aphrodite

It's no use
Mother dear, I
can't finish my
weaving
You may
blame Aphrodite

soft as she is

she has almost
killed me with
love for that boy

No Word

I have had not one word from her

Frankly I wish I were dead.
When she left, she wept

a great deal; she said to
me, ``This parting must be
endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly.''

I said, ``Go, and be happy
but remember (you know
well) whom you leave shackled by love

``If you forget me, think
of our gifts to Aphrodite
and all the loveliness that we shared

``all the violet tiaras,
braided rosebuds, dill and
crocus twined around your young neck

``myrrh poured on your head
and on soft mats girls with
all that they most wished for beside them

``while no voices chanted
choruses without ours,
no woodlot bloomed in spring without song...''

Like the gods. . .

In my eyes he matches the gods, that man who
sits there facing you--any man whatever--
listening from closeby to the sweetness of your
voice as you talk, the

sweetness of your laughter: yes, that--I swear it--
sets the heart to shaking inside my breast, since
once I look at you for a moment, I can't
speak any longer,

but my tongue breaks down, and then all at once a
subtle fire races inside my skin, my
eyes can't see a thing and a whirring whistle
thrums at my hearing,

cold sweat covers me and a trembling takes
ahold of me all over: I'm greener than the
grass is and appear to myself to be little
short of dying.

Tonight I've watched

Tonight I've watched
the moon and then
the Pleiades
go down

The night is now
half-gone; youth
goes; I am

in bed alone.

i found another zine from ages ago!

its called LUV SUX

aw. haha.

here's a poem from it c;

11 

D I  F F E R E N T C O L O U R S

I HAVE DIFFERENT SKIN TO YOURS.

YOURS IS LUMINESCENT, AND MINE

GLOWS SOFTLY IN RESPONSE TO YOURS.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES ME GLOW.

hi i am making zines again!chea!i'm going to take them

to audio foundation in auckland, but if you're outta town

and want one email me! ( piupiumaya@gmail.com )

you can totally have your own hand made book of poetry!!

donations are totally welcome, but not necessary c:

here is a poem that is in da book c: pmtxxxx

11. F O U N D I N G S

i found something you might like.

my love, i saved it for you,

because even if you discard

it, i hold it close encase

you want it.

i will keep it soft in my

heart of love, that cuddles

your memory when i'm asleep.

I JUST STRING THEORIES ALONG

(and by theories i mean everyone i ever left)

i did a performance for a show at jos' house, 

where i tied the audience together with string,

forcing them to interact, be unusually close

to one another, and i fed them jelly beans.

i took the people from upstairs,

downstairs, to see the people downstairs.

then took everyone upstairs.

here's a poster.

it was a sweet as night

I S L A N D G E T A W A Y

move me through your oceans.

my tide lapses. now,

withdrawals, 

shaking isles and i am quaking.

you have not gone.

i feel the loss of (something)

drain me of buoyancy.

i go 

up and down

on salt water rivers.

wavering.

time moves

slow, immersed

in tidal dreams.

i was rubble before i was
anything else, and right
now i can feel my roots
bursting through the thinly
layered plaster shell.

my heart pumps my blood
to my brain and my body,
and it takes with it other
things that my body makes,
that make me curl up in
bed and watch cartoons
and cry lots without shame.

w o n d e r l u s t

my body aches

i feel like leaving this place.

i feel like moving

through oceans

with only a suitcase,

and my life packed inside.

with you, there next to me.

dissatisfied, i want to

fall away, into some

where else. some where

new, where i am new

and my energies replenish.

so i step outside.

He shows me the lights

in windows, and then,

the building reflected,

and then, someone

cleaning the windows,

and i feel sedated

and satisfied, that

He made everything i know,

and in this knowledge, i

am calmly serene. 

IF YOU'RE WILLING

i rest in you,

fading into your chest

becoming see-through

i am not ashamed of anything,

your arms

keep my tired head

from falling into the atmosphere,

he said:

"we could never be half

as bad as you are good"

and it comforts me 

to know i can not be

perfect, and i've made a

big mistake, but you are here,

to hold my fading head up

out of the atmosphere.

i am hurt

by the desire to evoke

something in my self that

could tear through space.

my eyes are moving like

light speed through oceans

of echoed emotion that

torpedoed toward you

and you

never even

flinched.

V A R I A T I O N S O N T H E N O R M

i feel

much

some times / other times

absolutely

nothing at all.

it's all

a 

variant

in mood.

"you took away the gift i gave:

N O W I L I V E I N S I L E N C E"

a performance for

chronophonium 2013

action:

give each person a cherry.

each cherry is a blessing.

each person is sacred. 

I DIDN'T KNOW

i waited a thousand hours

for my eyes to open

and take back my

cancerous gazes into

a black hole without you.

i feel immortal

and inncocent knowing

we are here together

surrounded by daisies

until the day my body rots

away, and i am food for words.

new tattoos eeeee!

AND T O T H E END

and this.

the end of days

elopes with my eyes

that are melting

in their sockets.

i heard your name

called through a forest

and i was unable to speak,

knowing i did not listen.

but now silence.

i lie restless, can not

sleep for fear of never waking

up. but i did, and i woke

to the heavy air. 

every noise is you, 

and every moment is 

the rush of your presence

but none is, and i don't know,

i don't know. 

bury myself alive and

forget anything in

the dark expanse.

LEAVING Y O U BEHIND

i just leave

you to cool down,

fire's too hot for me to sleep

but i will try.

in sleep i am in an oasis

of sweet dreams where

you wear striped board shorts

and i lie in the sand, in bliss.

after the

e a s t c o a s t

once again my foot goes in,

sleeping in kettles and silence.

i believe you, i really do, and 

i can see how my bells chime constantly.

the ringing gives you headaches.

i'm sorry. i am rain. i am a stream

of pleading. i've broken us like white

china on the floorboards.

please don't leave me

please don't leave me. 

i made an ep ;)

check it owl here: 4-my-baby-blister

hiding under the covers
is the best way to spend
late tuesday afternoons

N O T YET P L E A S E

i might be spineless

but baby don't leave me.

i am not fit for consumption

and when i tried to make it

fit, i just choked you with my

inferior syntax. 

that burns holes in the walls

we built. i am sorry, pleading 

with my eyes at photos. i know

i know i am unsure of my own footing

but i am a young sprite, i can't fly straight

yet.

1 4  :  3 0

understanding words

he said:

"a heart at peace gives life to the body,

but envy rots the bones"

i was rotten whole.

but i heard her say:

"failure"

and i felt my eyes shift,

and let go of oxygen, 

to know, my body

has begun to bloom,

and i am released of my

past woes. 

lover do not bend your knees.

this bed lies heavy with your ghost,

and your bed lies heavy with the

memories of elsewhere, and other bodies

of love and the mystic pulls at the thought

of yesterday. i could never compete,

and in my faithfulness, i am beheading myself.

stopping thought and suspending animation. 

confessions will kill you in the end

(that i know for sure)

for sure, i am blank.

waiting, forever stuck

in this reality.

i ' m d o n e f o r

my words are immortalised

in someone else's emotion.

i connect myself to other people

through strings, threaded through the world.

wholly alone, i am holy with you,

complete with you, the chip

in my shoulder sits in your

eyes, and its only small,

but i could never be one

without it, and you.

i am silent, unable to speak.

when i try, i mishear myself,

so how could you see my eyes and

understand my fluctuating heartbeat.

if i cut my ties to everything,

 i could immortalise myself in sand

then, at least, i would be rid of the tangles. 

but if i ever did, i would missing

the chip off my shoulder,

and i would be missing you.

SAD BUZZ

i could have grown old, and cold

and burnt up my way through the atmosphere.

but i am surrounded by my warmth,

and my naivety provoked tears.

i am a sad buzzy bee sitting in a violet flower.

left sitting in an altar, designed to carry me. 

is this independence - if so i don't want it.

i want a home garden.

H E A V I N E S S

DESERVED

i am heavy,

with my love

resting on my back.

lying down could

never hold me up,

like lying down with

the thought of you

wistfully, i am

awake. listening

to the outside world

breathing soft.

i am contented with

my heaviness, that

holds your love close.

i have always deserved this -

borne from a bar of a cage, and

you have always deserved this -

missing a bone from your body.

we are deserving of

each other's heaviness,

and so we are complete

in each other.

RISE

(and)

FALL

i rise and fall,

with the sun

setting in your eyes.

i understand the sight,

mistook the movements.

i know i knew

once, when i was

standing still.

i rise and fall,

with the moon

setting in your eyes,

seeing the light

 of my image,

set in your eyes.

L E A  / / LEA // L E A

i lived in a lea.

had a meadow for a lark.

river's tide never

pushed high at the bend,

and i was content to lie

for hours on end.

then i moved to the city where

nothing was never enough.

M A R K E D.

if i could

i would find every mark

on you,

and take a photograph with my eyes.

that way,

you could never die.

kept alive in the colour of my eyes.

the men,
running through the streets,
inhibitions gone like the wind through their hair.

the women follow slowly,
filled with as much joy,
but more content to hold it
in their breasts.