seasons are shifting
and the tides are turning
in your infinite eyes.

i am a weight,
tied to your feet,
but tonight i will kiss you!
and hold you on the ocean floor.

i made this video called 4C: FLOWERS OF SUBMISSION for my good friend claudia!!

wahoo! c: c: c:

continental drifts
in your eyes, are
not showing cracks.

you're solid, like rock,
but not like that at all.


i can not believe my luck.

i remember seeing you at the airport
and you had two bags
and one was your briefcase.

i felt electric.
but i had scabs on my face,
and i felt shy.

you hugged me, and my face
was pressed against your chest
and your swandry was a bit
scratchy, but i felt such intense
relief. finally. finally,

 you were here.

i had another dream where you died.

the dog was dead as well.

i sat on the windowsill
and looked out across
the roof at the apartments
over the road, and i thought:

'if this was to really happen
(which one day it will)

i will still love you forever.'

i get this fear 

of your non-existence.

it pulls at my hair,

and kisses me while

you are away,

spreading itself all

over my fledgling psyche. 

I WENT ON YOUR COMPUTER,
AND YOUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS
EMAIL WAS OPEN, AND TO MY
SHAME, I READ EMAILS YOU
SENT HER AND CLICKED
OUT OF IT.

i did all this,

and now i feel

like i'm being strangled.

something has wired

itself into the muscles 

in my neck, and its got

me in this tight choke hold.

and i will never die, i will never die

i will live in this forever, forever

feeling as though my heart, has

its atoms pulled apart.

furious sudden anger has

 sown my mouth tightly

shut! with seeds of 

bitterness and anger.

you loved her so.

i can not reconcile myself

with the past, and i can only

whimper, so no other sound

can physically pass my lips

somethings holding all my

muscles so still, all this tension

inside my human body is

pulling each atom apart.

i fear my lips will explode,

i hold them closed so tight,

for fear of lost speech

becoming a reality, and

then, i would exist for

ever in this forever.

so i'll be silent,

and let the pull

become too much

and fade away

and fade away

and

 - why?!

why were you so kind?!

my heart, it actually breaks

to think of you, and her.

your soft body heavy, with thoughts of her! 

my eyes are watering for your grief,

i feel such intense empathy

and love, and i wish, i wish

i wish i could take away all

that hurts you. any

thing and every thing

that ever made you sad,

i want to eat it all,

consume it all,

so nothing exists but 

your happiness.

soapy

as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. James Joyce

i move my hands through your hair
and i can feel my fingers melt.


you!
you are so good at being you
and i revel in your persistence,
purely out of the joy of
knowing your existence!