"and suddenly saw christina, dead on the nursery floor..."

Louis MacNeice

suddenly

i have gone.

i uprooted myself. i fled

and flew away. i did not even

let the smoke rise, before i

left. i just went. i

could not bear the thought

of you, leaving. so i thought

i would self-impose the misery.

i took forty two things with me

(all safe in my gut)

i took forty two ransom notes

(one day we'll meet again)

on the shores, of the safest

place, of white and gold, 

we will meet again

"my hopes melted into blossoms"

Gu Cheng

i am sitting here.

i can not be

another person.

(waiting is the worst)

i am waiting for what?

(you.)

affirmation of smoke, i don't know

which one i am waiting for.

i am a lake, that shifts

slightly, my tides receding

as you leave. i am 

slipping out from under your

waves. i have fallen.

but fallen where in your eyes

i do not know.

"Eyes. Those damn eyes fucked me forever. We made love just looking at them.”

Charles Bukowsk

what if i made a mistake.

now

what.

i made a promise when i was happy

now, i wait
frozen forever waiting.

i feel like i am ash, and you
are smoke, and you will
rise and leave me and i
will be left.

smoldering lightly
thinking of you.

i smolder. i wait.
frozen in time
forever.

how could i ever articulate how i feel to you
when i can barely think of it.

Water Light Graffiti by Antonin Fourneau, created in the Digitalarti Artlab from Digitalarti on Vimeo.

I move, and your hand slides down my back. You are so heavy with sleep. The bed sheets are crumpled with love, and I feel like I'm sleeping in ash. We would only make each other luke warm. We met, and I could rest, but now, I feel like I have shimmered out of my skin. I don't recognize myself anymore. I see through holes my reflection and see you. I should climb back into bed and let my arm drape over you. I should not run, I should stay. The my reflection isn't whole without you. I must stay.

compulsive zine making

uhhhhhhhhhh