lose thoughts

1.
i am clothed in black silk.
awake and away, i am
not here right now,
so leave a message.

2.
yesterday, i said somethings
that are inconsistent with
the way i feel today

3.
next time i come around,
i will make sure
i come around to you.

4.
 i feel asleep at the altar last night.

5.
call me up, call me to your
fixated gaze, that fixates
on anything you could
never have, but
everything you
could have.

[NOTE: i'm gonna make each of 

these five sections into a zine each,

if you want one, let me know:

piupiumaya@gmail.com ]

have i already hit middle age?
is this it?
life a continuing string of nice days/bad days
hard crosswords/easy crosswords
seeing people/being unseen?

towering

i remember mists.

clouds covering the towers

and opening my eyes to see

only mist and myself.

how liberating to be isolated

in the coolness, and the calm.

i am unreal.

the only time i feel real is when i'm working

maybe that's why i'm such hard work.

attachments

i have attachments to your

own state of being, that this

morning when i woke up with

a cold sweat dripping down

the back of the mattress, i felt

like throwing up.

you say things and things, i believe

them all happily, because every word

you've ever said has been true, but 

oh my darling, how i miss you now.

its your presence i miss right now, 

your mind and voice less.

its having your body there close to

mine to hold and have, more so

than hearing you speak

words so true.

i didn't realise it before,
but i have missed you for days.

it's not that i haven't seen you,
i feel like i haven't seen you.
like your flesh have spent forever
trying to find mine, and vice versa - 

even though barely hours ago
we were touching skin to skin.

maybe its the night wearing 
thin on my outta layer,
rubbing off all remembrance,

or maybe it is, in actual fact,
we have had chance encounters,
but nothing deeper than a graze.

in dreams i talk

wallow wallow in

my oceanic bed

lying awake in the

clouds i am alive

while you are drinking

and i see time slip by

and i am unafraid.

if you want you can call

me in the morning but 

i don't mind what you do

its up to you now babe.