"i don't know, i don't care and it doesn't make any difference."

jack kerouac

you can not tell me that

this is it. 

i don't know i don't know i never knew.

leave me now before this becomes too great

and i collapse.

i feel like i might cave inwards

and burst into confetti. 

would you love me then? if

i was consistent and would

sit happily in your hands. i would

be quiet and still. i would be

static, i would not cry late

at night, or scream, or try to

tear out the smoke.

what if i made a mistake only you can fix?

you always fix my collapsing emotions

that are too much for you.

i am too much, i was always too much for anyone.

how do i amend myself to be still. how

can i alter what is in my bones

and blood. 

i can not,

so we might as well give up.